The Presidential Race Goes Mobile Payments

As the presidential campaign rolls on and candidates find themselves straining to keep voters’ interest with insults, innuendos and — when absolutely necessary — some cursory conversation about what actual policies they might pursue as president, a host of candidates in the field have taken up a surprising tack.

Mobile payments.

What seems to have started as various in-house efforts to make it easier for supporters of the various candidates to donate directly to their standard bearer of choice via their mobile devices has now shifted into full-fledged mobile offerings aimed at capturing the hearts and minds of the American consumer-voter by allowing them to buy things in a way that speaks to their deepest moral political commitments.

So far, candidates Trump, Sanders and Clinton have jumped into the fray — and though details are still emerging, PYMNTS has the early report.

TRUMPay

“We’re going to make America great again,” Republican front-runner and mobile wallet scion Donald Trump noted. “And making America great again means making commerce great again, payments great again and TRUMPay is the only mobile wallet that can do that.”

Trump went on to claim he was the only force in America capable of igniting mobile wallets, because TRUMPay will be “truly amazing.”

Trump’s mobile wallet is familiar in many ways — users are able to provision their credit or debit cards into a digital wallet that allows them to pay online, in-app or in-store, but with a few TRUMPay value adds.

The wallet will not work if users try to purchase any goods made in China — unless those goods also happen to be Trump branded. It also offers contractors 20 percent off any item that could be used in the successful construction of any structure that could be considered a wall.

Especially popular among early adopters is TRUMPay’s most unique feature: the text message it sends after each purchase that explains — apparently in great detail — why that purchase will, in fact, make America great again.

Sanders bPaid

“For too long in America, credit card companies, banks and wallet makers have held the working people of America hostage and so today we are announcing the official payment method of the revolution, Sanders bPaid, the completely independent mobile wallet designed purely to end income inequality in America.”

Users who download the app will be authenticated via an IRS database that provides information on income. Those who earn less than $161,500 will find that their wallet will come preloaded with $10,000 that can be spent at any merchant that lives up to certain ethical standards in its hiring, staffing, merchandising, production and supply chain. As of yet, no merchants actually live up to that standard, but campaign officials have high hopes for a great moral awakening among America’s corporations.

Those who make more than that threshold will have $100,000 debited from the account that has been linked to their bPaid account to be given to, according to Sanders’ bPaid spokespeople, “the 90 percent who simply have been denied financial equality for way too long.”

bPaid users who are attending public colleges will be able to activate a special feature of their bPaid accounts: the bPaid Tab feature – to buy things at campus book stores, and surrounding local businesses totally free of charge to them. Sanders says he expects this to stimulate the local economy by providing incentives for small businesses to set up shop, never having to worry about being paid since the government, through these bPaid wallet purchases, will basically be guaranteeing sales.

HillaryPay

“I guess both Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump are doing this? So we’re doing this now? Alright, I really want to be president … so, Clinton Pay!”

Details are still emerging about the mobile wallet advocated by Democratic front runner, Hillary Clinton, but HillaryPay remains cloaked in secrecy.

Those who were part of its beta test, and who spoke to PYMNTS under conditions of anonymity, say that HillaryPay was functional, efficient and easy to use. But they also said that there was “just something about it” that kept them from really liking it. They weren’t really sure if they would become regular users, but given the alternatives, they might end up having to choose the lesser of the evils.

Several did express concerns over server security and who might have access to the data stored on those servers.

Editor’s Note: This article is part of the PYMNTS.com special April Fools’ edition. Any connection to fact is purely coincidental.